Last night I had a dream that I was with a friend and she wanted to go to a bakery to get a treat. We were surrounded by every baked good imaginable - donuts, brownies, cookies, cakes, pastries. In my dream, I was telling myself that I didn't need to get anything, that I had goals of getting strong and healthy and that none of those baked goods were serving my goals. I walked out without getting anything, it wasn't a struggle to do so, and it just felt really natural.
I woke up this morning and the dream has stuck with me. I have dreams all of the time, some more vivid than others. Most of the dreams I don't remember once I wake up. But this dream stuck with me and I feel like it's a message. Choosing healthy doesn't have to be hard. It can be as natural to me as breathing air.
I decided a while back that I was going to eat healthy, but I wasn't going to stress about sticking with macros, cutting out food groups, and counting calories. Those things just haven't been sustainable long-term for me. I thought that taking out the restriction and stress would be beneficial. However, I still find myself struggling on the weekends to eat healthy. My pattern for a really long time has been to do really well Monday through Thursday and then eat whatever I want Friday through Sunday. By Sunday, I'm not feeling well, my stomach hurts, and my sleep has gone to shit. Every Monday I wake up and vow to do better, but by Friday, I'm back to my old patterns.
It has especially been bad over the last five months with David's health issues and other things that have happened. David hasn't been back to work and is home every day. His health issues are growing more and more frustrating for him. While he committed to eating healthier recently, it hasn't really stuck. Watching him struggle is hard. I let it affect my mood. When he's feeling frustrated, angry, and depressed, I find myself feeling these things, too.
Two of our dogs have been having health issues. Nothing serious, but enough that I worry about it, and financially, it has wreaked havoc on our budget. Vet bills are expensive!! My nephew died unexpectedly a few weeks ago, and our first grandpup, Maggie, was diagnosed with a terminal disease and only has a short time to live. 2023 has been a challenging year.
So I find myself reaching for a glass of wine every night. I haven't been meal prepping and planning so I just eat whatever is leftover in the fridge, even if it's something I really don't need to be eating. I find myself making comfort food for our dinners every night.
I just want things to click for me to where choosing healthy foods and only drinking alcohol occasionally comes naturally, even when I'm stressed out. I look at my progress sheets for my workouts and although I'm so much stronger than I was a few years ago, I feel like I could be doing better. My workouts are consistent and challenging, so those aren't the problem. The problem is how I'm fueling my body.
I've even found myself craving meat, after being a vegetarian for many years. I've been eating fish for about two years, but now I find myself craving other kinds of meat. It's been a bit traumatic, if I'm to be honest, and I don't know where these cravings are coming from. Stress? A nutrient deficiency?
I toggle back and forth between feeling comfortable in my body, but wanting to build more muscle. My goal has always been to be strong and healthy enough to grow old gracefully and thrive. But my brain is still thinking like I have the metabolism and recovery of a 20-year-old. I've got to change my mindset.
Life is not going to get less stressful. There are going to be family members with health issues. Stress is a given with the type of job that I have. I have no control over these things. However, I do have control over what I eat, and I know that what I eat affects my ability to deal with stress, my quality of sleep, and my workout performance.
Would I rather have pizza and wine or a good night's sleep and another PR with lifting?
I want the zzzzz's and I want the badass PR, no question.
So, what am I going to do about it? I'm going to use this blog as a daily journal. Warning: it may get boring and monotonous, but this is how I'm going to document what I'm doing, what I'm eating, how I'm feeling, how my energy level is during the day, and how I sleep. All of these things are tied together, I just have to find my magic sauce for which foods work for me.
Day 1 so far: I drank a cup of coffee and ate a banana with almond butter for my pre-workout snack. Then I drank my pre-workout supplement and did LIIFT4 Week 5, Day 1. It was chest and triceps lifting, and then HIIT and core. I increased my weights for the first few moves but had to decrease once my arms got tired. The HIIT felt a bit rough this morning, but I'm attributing it to what I ate and drank over the weekend.
After my workout, I had a protein smoothie, and then some leftover scrambled eggs with veggies and veggie sausage.
Lunch was a small bowl of leftover Mediterranean fish stew that I had made the night before. While I ate, I watched an episode of Big Bang Theory. I then did a Walk at Home workout to get one mile in. It was way too windy and cold to walk outside.
Around 2:00 I hit a wall and started to feel really tired, so I made a cup of green tea with lemon and stevia. I'm hoping that if I can get a long streak of healthy days going that it will improve my afternoon energy, which tends to decrease after lunch.
Afternoon snack was a cup of vanilla greek yogurt.
After work ended, I asked David if he wanted to go for a walk. It was cold and windy outside, but the walks are good for David, and he doesn't like to do the at-home workouts, so I bundled up and we walked for about two miles.
Dinner was tuna noodles made in the Instant Pot with a salad on the side. After I cleaned up the dishes, I ate a protein bar.
I watched a bit of the World Series and then was in bed by 9:00 p.m.
Fitbit stats for the day:
Step count: 10,321
Zone minutes: 95
Sleep last night: 7h25m, 88 sleep score
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